Dear Muffin Top,
This is a formal letter notifying you of your impending certain doom. Soon, you will die a slow yet torturous death by the elliptical (and other such cardiovascular equipment). You have over-stayed your welcome as an uninvited guest and your request to vacate is immediate. I realize that since you slowly snuck yourself onto the property that it will take you a while to gather your belongings and leave but - please note that you will do just that. Leave. No one wants to see you. The only logical solution at this point is murder. Muffin Top - you've been warned. You will die. Enjoy "hanging out" while you can.
Sincerely,
Me.
Until then.....
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