I Am Blessed

Our Pastor is on sabbatical. On Sunday, the "fill-in Pastor" issued a challenge to the congregation. Find someone that has touched your life, helped change you & make you who you are by their prayers & words of encouragement, and thank that person. They passed around the microphone at the end of service and got people brave enough to speak to stand up and give praise to those folks. I would have done it easily but I didn't want to completely embarrass my wonderful in-laws that sat to my right.

"The Challenge", however, has not left my mind. I wanted to take a minute today and thank those that have helped change me and make me who I am today...no matter how flawed a person I still am. (in no particular order....)

#1 - I'd like to thank Tina. I wouldn't have known how to love myself without her help. God brought her into my life and taught me so much in the short 3 1/2 years we were friends. She was truly God's love in action and I'm forever changed by knowing her.
I miss her terribly. August 2nd would have been her 33rd birthday and I selfishly wish she were here so I could hug her neck and tell her how much I love her. All I can do is wait until I see her on the other side.

#2 - My mom. There are so many times I've wanted to lay down and give up... throw in the towel and give the ol' bird finger to the world and just "let go". It's during those moments of weakness that my mom comes into my mind. Though we didn't always get along, my mom broke her back to make sure we had clothes on our bodies, food in our bellies and a roof over our head. I could complain about the food, clothes and places we lived - but we had the absolute best she could provide. With no help from my so-called "father" and no one else chipping in, we lived like kings in hindsight. We never once lived in the projects or wondered what it was like to go hungry like some folks we knew. We never had to wait for a handout because mom worked for all we had, no matter how little. She devoted her life to us. We may not have had a "mushy-gushy" mother-daughter relationship but my mom gave us her life. That's how she showed us her love. She went to work as the sun came up and came home when it went down. We were an ever-present though on her mind, in her prayers and in her heart. Being a mother, I can now see these things. I can see that you do things you don't want to do - things you despise, things you never thought you would, and even things you promised yourself you wouldn't... but you do them in hopes that you survive and make half-decent children. My strength to press forward and never settle for less comes from my mother. God gave her the strength to make me a stronger woman. I thank her for that.

#3 - My children. I strive every day to be the mother they can be proud of. My hope is that someone they will "Rise up & call blessed". I am constantly thinking of ways to make them happy and feel safe and loved. I know they don't understand a lot of what I do but I pray to God that they someday will. When I found out I was pregnant with Caitlin, the old "Amber" died and a new one was born. God used her to truly save me. The birth of Michiah brought more joy to my life than I thought possible. And now, I have a son and daughter that I never thought I'd have! Truly, I didn't give birth to them - but I feel like they've always been there. I wouldn't know my life without them. I find being the mother of four a huge challenge but one I gladly accept with a TON of help from the Father above.

#4 - My husband Danny. (yall knew that was coming, didn't ya). Right now, my wonderfully amazing husband is at dinner in Germany with some colleagues. I'm not sure if his absence is causing this outpour of sentimentality but I've realized something since he's been gone... I am madly in love with that man!! God has used him in so many ways. Yall have heard the term "God's love with skin on"... this is the closest thing I've found to that. God has used Danny's hands to hold my heart and mend the holes. He's patched me up & held me together when no one knew but us. God has blessed him with the patience of the Saints above because Lord knows that no one else could have helped me with the critical mess my heart was in. Years of hurt, rejection, abuse, fear and what some would describe as "self-hate". He's taken his time with my trust issues and understood that it wasn't "him"... that it was those before him. He's had to come in & clean house. I am truly convinced that God placed Danny and I together to help each other heal.
He has shown me God's love and changed my life for the better. I am truly a different person this day... a better person than ever before... because of the outpour of unconditional love he has blessed me with.
It is my HONOR and my BLESSING to be his wife. His unyielding support for my causes and my loony ideas gives me the self confidence that everyone "thought" I had - but was all a show. I actually HAVE self-esteem now and it's simply because he is open and willing enough to love ME for me... not his expectation of me or his hopes of who I will be - but "me". Plain, flawed and human. Simply put - He is my best friend.

#5 - My in-laws. They have opened their homes, lives and hearts to my children - and to ME - and taken us in as their own. Their outpouring of love on us leaves me without words. I love seeing them with Caitlin and Michiah. You wouldn't know that they weren't their own blood. There are many days I simply sit and thank God for placing them in our lives. My children are happier and healthier because of the love that they share with them - as am I.

There are a whole host of friends and others that I could thank and accredit to making me who I am - but these stand out the most. As I sit here today in contemplation I realize this... I am a blessed woman. I don't always see it and I don't always feel it but the fact remains. I am blessed beyond measure and my cup runneth over. Thank you, God, for thinking so much of me that You would place these amazing people in my life. Thank You for the blessings that they pour out to me, even when they don't know they are.
~Amen.