Little Time

There are times you feel like writing... and times you feel like you have no words at all. I know I'm full of words most of the time but don't often know how to articulate the feelings correctly. There are times I wonder if there are even words in the English language that define my emotions.

It's that time of year again... Christmas time. The older I get the harder it is for me to get in the Christmas spirit. This is backwards, isn't it? With children, I should be elated at the thought of their happy faces and, though I am, I guess the stress of getting to that point drowns out the "joy". This year (like every year) I have made a vow to enjoy this season with my family. Bake for my neighbors, put up my Christmas tree, and love on my family as much as possible.
Last night, we got our 3 year old tree out of its box. After about 45 minutes of fluffing and parting the branches just right ...Danny plugs up the tree only to discover that it doesn't work. A three year old tree - the lights are blown. Last year, the center ring of the tree burned out so last week I bought a small box of white lights to go in the center. Looks like we'll be buying another box to go with that this year!
I think another reason I stress this time of year is I know it's going to go so quickly. It's already December 1st. Where did 2009 go? When I think of how quickly these 4 weeks will pass part of me stresses but another part of me is overwhelmed by wanting to capture each moment and not let go. Remembering that my kids are only 10, 9, 8 and 6 once in their lives. Remembering that this may very well be THE last year "Santa" comes to our house.
Michiah will be 9 next month. The past few weeks I've had questions to jar my core like "Mom, what is a lesbian?" to name one. Painful reminders that she's growing up. Last night she asked if I believed in Santa. "Of course" I said. She said - Well, kids in my class thing he's dumb. Always looking for a teachable moment I said "Well, believe what you want and never let anyone change your mind. People think believing in Jesus is stupid - but does that stop you?"
"Nope", she said.
Then, realizing I compared believing to SANTA to believing in Jesus... I had to throw in the fact that we all believe lots of things that others will disagree with or think are dumb. It's up to us to hold fast to what we believe to be true in our hearts.

Parenting. Sheesh.

Well, tonight Caitlin will be rushed to Karate with moments to spare while Michiah and I take a trip to the grocery store. She is my favorite little shopper. She's always eager to help! I did learn that I can't send her and Danny to the store together though. They both like to buy things we don't need! =)

And I'll be aware the entire time... that this is the only December 1st, 2009 I'll ever have with my family. We will only have our kids around a short while and - as I recently heard - "You only get one childhood". If you really think about that, it will change you.

Unitl Then...